R.B. Miller Stepping Off

As described previously, the majority of my publications were short and in a particular section of the Weekly World News . In distant second place are a series of longer essays (usually 2000-3000 words) in the Marine Corps Gazette . Most were entered in writing contests, and I recently won my ~4th 2nd Place or Honorable Mention, not bad for an enlisted grunt. This was my first (and, by the contest rules, last) entry in the Hogaboom Essay Contest. Look for my article in approximately the October issue, and expect the excerpt below to have one fewer comma. By the way, contrary to the implication, I won $500, not a bad consolation prize. My least favorite consolation prize was for a writing contest in Outdoor Life  (something about how being a lousy hunter made me a better Marine). First Prize was a $22,000 guided elk and moose hunt in Canada. Second Prize was a cheap pocket knife normally given to subscribers to induce them to subscribe for another year. I won second. The

The windier your country is, the more likely Marines are to invade it. I've taken this same basic picture at numerous base camps across the Middle East and Afghanistan, over several decades: The first response is always to make the johns more bottom-heavy: Occasionally, this is enough to prevent a blow-down: Every few weeks, this happens: Then the johns blow over again: After Marines have occupied a country for at least 10 years, they try this: As with most things, we overdo it:

I just came across this picture from 2010. At the time, I'd warned colleagues that Bigfoot had been spotted at Camp Dwyer in Helmand Province, Afghanistan. Nine years later, I still haven't figured out what he was doing there, or whose side he was fighting for.

Although Gary commented about so-called "birth control glasses" during his time at Parris Island, none of this made the final cut in Stepping Off . Too many authors have covered this old joke in too much detail (i.e., that the glasses are so ugly that you'll never get to step one in becoming a parent: sex). This picture shows glasses fabricated by the federal government in 2010, almost three years after the first iPhone's release. The quality speaks for itself. I'm in the camp that's somewhat cynical when the government announces that it has a better business plan for the latest company to run afoul of lawmakers. The actual BC glasses at Parris Island were black, more of a horn-rimmed style, and much chunkier looking. They also came with a "brain strap" that tightened across the back of one's skull. Basically, the strap allowed them to fit glasses universally, with no regard to head shape: no matter what, the brain strap would hold them i

Route 7 runs north from Nasiriyah to Al Kut. We spent about half of our time getting to Baghdad on Route 7. I was pretty happy with my early-2003-vintage camera, but remember spending over $200 for four 128 MB SD cards. Yes, NAND memory has come down in price in 16 years. If you think you've seen mud in America, go to war. It turns out that either Iraq or Afghanistan can provide mud and dust storms like you've never seen domestically. These 7-ton trucks are actually quite good, but you can still need two tracked vehicles to pull them out. This is just some shimmering toxic waste in Nasiriyah. If you think First World countries are polluted, go down two notches.

Staying on the Dear Dotti theme, I tried to get another picture of her during the Iraq war, but failed. For the duration of the WWN's existence, Dotti claimed to be in her 20s, so 50 probably wasn't a stretch. Unfortunately, she only printed the letter. For today's Marine usage tip, "Marine" should always be capitalized, though I'll give Dotti a pass. This doesn't go for soldier, sailor, or airman, but try not capitalizing Marine around a sergeant major or drill instructor and see what happens. Various style manuals say this capitalization isn't correct -- guess if we care? One of my great regrets from the Iraq war is never finding out which of my letters were printed and which were not. Okay, I disappeared for 17 months, blah, blah, blah, two young kids at home, blah, blah, blah, but my wife wasn't able to check every single issue of the WWN for Dear Dotti letters. I have no idea what happened to the letters below.